Gems #1

Some gems shining a little light this week:

Via the communicatrix, news of a new online magazine for women called Delish. Focusing on ‘what’s real, what’s useful and what’s beautiful’, it is gorgeous, smart, savvy and multi-faceted and clearly will appeal to an audience with these same qualities. Congrats to the team – it’s sensational.

I laughed out loud this week reading the quirky hyperbole and a half and a great post on sneaky hate spirals - all about days when all the little annoyances just build up.

And a true vintage gem I love – Marion Milner’s ‘A Life Of One’s Own’ , published in 1934 under the pseudonym Joanna Field. A pioneering exploration based on her own diaries, the book is the record of a seven years’ study of living and identifying what makes her happy. From this, she provides  perceptions and suggestions that can be practised to increase focus and happiness. It concludes with a discovery about psychic bisexuality – balancing the best of both worlds from what Marion sees as our male and female orientations: the objective and the intuitive respectively. Some words from this beautifully reflective book:

“My daydreams are nearly all of country cottages, of little gardens, of ‘settling down’ with flowers in vases and coloured curtains. I don’t think of backaches, dish washing.

I want to live amongst things that grow, not amongst machines. To live in a regular rhythm with sun and rain and wind and fresh air and the coming and going of the seasons. I want a few friends that I may learn to know and understand and talk to without embarrassment or doubt.

I want to write books, to see them printed and bound.

And to get clearer ideas on this great tangle of human behaviour.

To simplify my environment so that a vacillating will is kept in the ways that I love. Instead of pulled this way and that in response to the suggestion of the crowd and the line of least resistance.”

Image, Gems XII by fdecomite via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

Being a work in progress

Image, La felicità - work in progress by stefozanna, via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

I am reminding myself it is okay to be a work in progress: to begin, to carve and craft as I go, to collect and synthesise, to draft and revise, like forming a poem. It is worse not to begin.

With writing a poem, you capture the image, the association, the string of words that comes in the middle of the night. And from that, you start, draft, craft and revise again. Miss that spark of ignition and you might miss the critical association that could begin your poem. Then, you might hold back from developing it for fear of not achieving the illusory perfected whole poem in your mind.

In a recent inspiring post, Starting with what you have, Chris Guillebeau provides a valuable way to break the feeling of paralysis around starting something: ‘Don’t look at what you think you lack, look at what you have and find a way to make it work.’  He provides some excellent examples about how and where to start for business, writing, art and travel and they are mostly small, focussed, like a kernel, something obtainable or possible.

So I am reminding myself,  it’s okay to be a work in progress, starting with a piece, a step, a chunk, an idea and learning from there. You might need to do some planning, preparation, reading and research to guide how you start and where it leads, but make a start from that essential spark.

Take this blog, for example. I have learnt from reading and watching others and their blogs, from listening to podcasts and reading blogging experts. I have the spark of a connecting idea. I’ve worked it over time, mined it, mind-mapped it, associating and gathering ideas. But starting here each time,  there is more. I am engaging with writing, blogging, flickr, posting, comments and generally putting what I have learnt into practice. Already the connections and response have been beyond my dreams. I have talked about stars and their shining light and I feel very illuminated. Where the light goes and what it illuminates is another thing, but it’s out there, into the dark, an offering.

Not starting is about a lot of things: a desire for perfection, what Danielle LaPorte in an article in fear.less calls a fear epidemic: ‘Everyone is struggling with the same thing: ‘fear of being his or her true self’, a lack of authenticity and all this becomes a form of resistance that can develop a perfectly normal appearance that absolutely freezes you. Creative work suffers from this incredibly and can seem unnecessary or frivolous. You wonder why you would do it and undermine your own creative thoughts and plans.  

Apart from finding a small way to chunk your start and become a work in progress, Steven Pressfield, in the final words of his wonderful book about resistance ‘The War of Art’, suggests that starting is a responsibility: “Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”

So let’s get that work in progress. Before you know it, the posts are connecting around a theme you can stitch together into some larger work; the poems you are posting could become a self-published book and in any case, you realise, more people are reading them this way; you find you are writing a novel or a memoir through what you post; getting your photos up there makes you start thinking in images again; you find a  reason to write and that breaks the hiatus of many years; you find a business idea developing from the responses coming back to you; you create a creative course to get people writing or moving through something. Suddenly you are moving, not frozen.

So what are you considering starting? And what happens if you don’t?

The value of howling into the wind

Image by Whitewolf Productions, via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Right now, writing here feels like ‘howling into the wind’ to use a phrase from Joanna Penn from a recent podcast interview on The Creative Penn. Joanna describes how she felt in the early days of writing her blog - writing away, thinking and constructing but actually being read by so few. You write as if your life depends on it but laugh to yourself at the fact that virtually no one is reading. Joanna talks about what happened from there, how her audience grew and the journey of growing that message and audience into the successful space that it is now.

So what is the value of ‘howling into the wind’? Perhaps hearing your own voice reflected back in the waves of air. Perhaps knowing that just sending out these words and images into the atmosphere might lead to something larger like a future you have dreamed about. Perhaps it is about hoping you can in some way impact positively on others as others have impacted on you.

More than anything it is about ‘doing your art’, moving from being a little frozen to getting out there, just starting, beginning to move.

I recently rediscovered these words from ‘Women Who Run With the Wolves’ by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I had them typed up and taped them inside an older folder of writing to keep me motivated:

‘So what is the solution? Do as the duckling does. Go ahead, struggle through it. Pick up the pen already and put it to the page and stop whining. Write. Pick up the brush and be mean to yourself for a change, paint. Dancers, put on the loose chemise, tie the ribbons in your hair, at your waist or on your ankles and tell the body to take it from there. Dance. Actress, playwright, poet, musician or any other. Generally, just stop talking. Don’t say one more word unless you’re a singer. Shut yourself in a room with a ceiling or in a clearing under the sky. Do your art. Generally, a thing cannot freeze if it is moving. So move. Keep moving.’

So ‘howling into the wind’ is about running with the wolves and the ‘longing for the wild’ as Estes calls it. It’s about stoking the creative fire with winds that might feel a bit uncomfortable and cold at first. It’s about the strength that might come from tuning into such intuitive sources, making connections and finding that to which we belong. And through whatever means – writing, photography, a business idea, a new perspective, the shape of a poem - forming something unique that is your voice that others may also tune into, relate to and take something away from. So let’s keep howling.

My seven stars

I would like to acknowledge seven key people I have been reading online, whose journeys I have been following and who have been an inspiration to me. They have been like stars in a constellation guiding me to being able to express myself here in this way at this time. They are all people who transcend in their own ways, cutting through and conveying a clear message to get out there and just do it. I have heard echoes from the seven stars, “Just start…” “Start where you are…” “Begin…” They are wonderful role models who have done just that and are now a long way down the road with their own special message for the world through their hard work, clear vision and commitment.

I will introduce them in this post, then spend some time on each one over the next weeks to really give them justice and to acknowledge what they have given to me and I’m sure many others. Hopefully this also leads more people to them and their great work.

Okay – so my seven stars I celebrate are (drumroll in background…):

The famous “Seven Sisters” of the Pleiades. Image by jimkster, via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Danielle LaPorte

I came across Danielle LaPorte through her book, ‘Style Statement’, co-authored with Carrie McCarthy. I worked through the book assiduously and searched for Danielle online to find her at White Hot Truth. Through this work, I better understand my key style drivers, what makes me tick, why I like what I like, why it’s important and especially through White Hot Truth, how to cut through the restrictive perceptions that hold you back. Her business is about entrepreneurship and her current product is ’The Firestarter Sessions: a digital experience for entrepreneurs.  A great source of style, truth and connection to others. Truly white hot.

Chris Guillebeau

Danielle profiles and interviews other people on her site which led me to Chris Guillebeau and The Art of Non-Conformity. Chris is an absolute online inspiration. I spoke of him in my previous post, ‘Why transcending?’ His journey, his thought pieces and his publications are powerful enablers to setting and achieving your goals. His posts are a rich mix of travel experiences, reflections and challenges. Chris’s writing often seems to be timely for me, chiming in with my own thoughts, indecision or addressing a current paralysis. I am not the only one as the long list of comments to his blog posts attests. The Unconventional Guides, Art and Money, Travel Ninja, A Brief Guide to World Domination, Social Media as a Force for Good – are all brilliant pieces.

Susannah Conway

I also found Susannah Conway’s beautiful site and  photography through Danielle. Writing from Bath in the UK, Susannah’s themes especially align with my own: creativity, getting through pain, writing and images as vehicles for expression and moving on. Her e-course ‘Unravelling’ is wildly popular – I still haven’t managed to get into it! The course uses photography and journaling – two of my favourite things – to work through healing and acceptance. Susannah’s site is pure beauty and I am always touched. Sometimes it’s a laugh of connection, sometimes a cry of pain  –  but always a warm, encouraging and open place like sitting beside a warm fire full of heart.

Sage Cohen

I found Sage through her wonderful book, ‘Writing the Life Poetic: An Invitation to Read and Write Poetry’.  Anyone who writes and reads poetry knows they live a rarefied life that struggles sometimes to find a place. It’s easy to lose your way and not many people understand it. As it says on the back cover, WTLP is ‘the inspirational companion you’ve been looking for to help you  build confidence in your poetic voice…’ Hallelujah! It is so true. Sage has a number of sites including Writing the Life Poetic and also conducts the best poetry writing course by email and workbook: Poetry for the People. I have been privileged to work through two levels of Poetry for the People and I am in awe of Sage’s poetic wisdom – she is very aptly named! Poet, teacher, blogger, mother, writer…

Shanna Germain

Shanna is fantastically without boundaries and goes everywhere and anywhere in writing and in life. A writer of  poetry, novels, short stories, erotica – she is amazingly prolific and documents her writing life intimately. I first joined up with her when she was on a remote Scottish island last year living a writing life. Fantastic, I thought, living my dream – and then you experience the actual day to day of Shanna’s writing life and realise what hard and solitary work it is. I laugh out loud often and love the way she structures her writing story, different blogs, morphing in and out and setting herself projects that she absolutely commits to – writing a poem or significant part of a novel every day. This year – a learning project every week in Chapter 38: ‘A girl. A brain. 52 ways to fill it’.

Joanna Penn

Joanna lives in Australia and has set up an incredibly consistent blog, ‘The Creative Penn’ about ‘Writing, Publishing Options, Sales and Promotion for your book. I came across Joanna on a list of the top 30 bloggers to watch. I have learnt so much from reading the blog and especially from her podcast interviews available online and free from itunes. I listen to them in my car on the way to work and have learnt about ebooks, using video, podcasting, itunes, authentic voice, beating procrastination, romance writing, crime writing and more. The whole publishing game has changed and Joanna has captured perfectly how social media can work for writers. And she has a full-time job and she is writing a novel. A real role model for moi.

Colleen Wainwright

And the communicatrix, Colleen Wainwright. Colleen and I were born a week apart so communicatrix: A Virgo’s Guide to the Universe rings incredibly true for me. Obviously we have had different experiences and backgrounds, but the essence is eerily familiar. Fantastically clear and self-deprecating at the same time, it is about being a better communicator and the skills and search for same. Hilarious, incisive and full of great links and reads, I just love it. Friday round-up is especially insightful – always something to take away. This week’s link to an article by Jeffrey Zeldman on the beauty of life  was a gift that bought tears to my eyes. Colleen’s writing is full of such gifts.

My seven stars are truly a constellation – they interconnect, flow and bounce ideas back and forth and create such a cosmic storm here, I can only respond.  And I think, what if they had not ‘just started…..’  where would I be today without their influence? I hope to shine also to illuminate myself likewise and light the way to others.

Why transcending?

So why ‘Transcending’? What does it mean and why is it my focus? How does this word pull so much together for me?

You could ask my yoga teacher from a long time ago how he knew it was my theme, my life focus. Somehow he knew, giving me my spiritual name, ‘Turiyamani’ or ‘transcendental jewel’.

I didn’t think much about it for many years but it was in the background all the time, I guess. A spiritual path, a sense of knowing I didn’t quite connect to.

But then, difficulty and tragedy, one thing after another, testing resilience, a time through which you change radically and nothing is the same again, a turning point that makes you question not only what’s important but everything you do.

Your world arcs into a different sphere entirely. You can remember the day, the hour, people’s faces, how time stood still, how green the leaves were, how all you could do was drink tea and stare into the air. How people said to you, ‘Your life will never be the same again’ and you fought that thought desperately, trying to keep things the same.

You would trade the world to go back to the state before then, but you cannot. It is immutable and your path.

And then later I came across Chris Guillebeau and his site, The Art of Non-Conformity: Unconventional strategies for life, work and travel

Chris writes about many things: travelling towards his goal of visiting every country in the world, entrepreneurship, personal development. The ‘convergence between highly personal goals and service to others’ is a key theme. He has constantly wonderful thought pieces, challenges to the way you think, work and live. In ‘A Brief Guide to World Domination – How to live a remarkable life in a conventional world’, Chris talks about personal goals, ordinary people pursuing big ideas and also through this, making a difference in the lives of others.

He asks you to consider ‘the two most important questions in the universe’. Here they are and here are my answers:

#1 What do you really want to get out of life?

My answer: transcendence, light out of dark, words lifted high, sweet words out of loss and longing, a way of rising above

#2 What can you offer the world that no-one else can?

My answer: words of loss and longing, receptacles for managing them, a model for resilience and transcendence, structures for managing feelings, lyrical words

Those answers have led me here after a long time of reflecting on them. I am sure I am not the only one who feels these emotions but I am the only one who can connect them in this unique way, offer them shaped and formed just so. So here I am, transcending and working through what this means. I hope that it means something to others at it unfolds.

The extraordinary power of the ordinary self

You will see under the blog title that my key theme words are ‘the extraordinary power of the ordinary self…’ These words come from a book by Marcia Westkott, ‘The Feminist Legacy of Karen Horney.’  This is an amazing book and was a life changing perspective for me many years ago, about twenty years ago now. I was given this book as a gift and the gift unfolded in reading this book at that time and still resonates today. The words above come from the last chapter, ‘From feminine type to female hero.’ It’s complex but was and remains something I intuitively understand.

‘The power of the ordinary is an idea of transcendence that is especially appropriate to the feminine type,’ (Westkott, p212) It’s about how women especially create a false personality, are not truly themselves out of a desire for approval, for what others want them to be. How they become divorced from their authentic self, devalued, angry and detached. How the audience keeps shifting and the demands for perfection are therefore without bounds.

In the end, after working through a process of learning and discovery, for me, often through tragedy and in a context of all the shifting of stable supports, there is a sense of realisation of the true power of the ordinary self and what it is capable of. It is a message essentially of self-acceptance and growing into your own skin, but with a real backbone of why this occurs:

‘Neither perfect nor contemptible, she discovers the extraordinary power of her ordinary, unique self and what is truly possible…’

I know it’s a brief summary of a complex theme but do these words resonate with you also? What do they mean to you and how can they give you strength in moving forward?

Welcome to ‘Transcending’

‘Transcending’ is an exploration of the ways that we rise, overcome, climb across and pass beyond.

It celebrates the extraordinary power of the ordinary self in creativity, writing, in love, in the workplace and in our family contexts, such as our family history and what it means. It is about  resilience, grief, love, loss, longing and the resonating shapes and forms we make to deal with this and move on and through. It’s about constructive approaches at work – strategies that cut through, synthesise and provide solutions. And it’s about images, structures, texts and ways of thinking that makes this possible.

This theme resonates and connects for me in all spheres of life and I hope connects and resonates with you also.

Join me in this journey as it unfolds. Some of the areas I hope to explore are:

• writing as a way of transcending and moving through
• my own creative journey as a writer
• poetry and the shapes and structures we find to manage our emotions
• music and images as vehicles for experiencing and managing feelings
• family history and its stories of how we connect and experience life
• constructive leadership behaviours and strategies
• reading and reflections on transcending
• connections with other writers and thinkers on this theme in all its guises